The winning film in Thessaloniki, Hainan, and London is a stunning personal quest to fill missing pieces of a lovely but dangerous drugged-up life.

With precious help from a collective of four filmmakers, Nottingham artist and university lecturer Lisa Selby seeks to learn everything about her beloved estranged mother after her death in 2017. Lisa boldly reveals her traumatised, but alluring past from memories. recordings, writings, mobile phone footage, photographs, and reactionary paintings. She never refers to the heroin addict Helen as her mother. Helen selfishly abandoned Lisa and her father in her early childhood. Lisa, who avoided the temptation of narcotics, tries to uncover the essence of addiction and explore the possibilities of motherhood.

The explosively heartbreaking and resonating journey is unlike anything you may experience even in the frankest documentaries. It’s shocking, unpleasant, dark, and raw but full of love, humour, hope, and optimism. Lisa never intended to make this film although she occasionally captured something, constantly filmed various moments, and recorded conversations not only with strangely idolised Helen (better than Madonna) but also with her loving dealer-boyfriend Elliot, who surrendered to strong drugs/alcohol and was jailed for committed crimes. Lisa's soul-baring material was published on a private Instagram account Bluebaglife, which is still active.

Edvinas Pukšta